Improving Your Marriage
Three Books Describing Qualities for Successful Relationships
These three books give specific qualities that any couple can practice to improve their relationship with each other and attain a marriage worth having.
A well-known statistic these days is that that half of all first marriages and an even greater percentage of second and subsequent marriages end in divorce. However, it does not have to be this way. If all married couples seriously applied a few simple principles found in these excellent books, many divorces could be prevented and any marriage could be improved.
The Five Love Languages, by Gary Chapman
This book describes five ways that people show love to each other, and explains that each person reacts best to one or two of these methods, or languages. Using one language on someone who reacts better to another one will give little benefit to the relationship. This is especially problematic for spouses, who may have different languages.
The five languages are:
- Quality Time: spending time with the person
- Words of Affirmation: compliments or other encouraging remarks
- Gifts: anything given to the person, even if it does not cost money
- Acts of Service: doing housework or other chores for the person
- Physical Touch: physical contact with the person including simple touches like a pat on the back
For a successful relationship, each person needs to feel loved by the other. Not only does everyone need to receive love in his language, but he will be hurt more by negative acts in that language. For instance, someone who responds best to words will be especially hurt by criticism, or someone who responds best to gifts will be especially hurt by taking an item of his without permission. This book describes in detail the qualities of a person who needs each of these languages and specific ways that someone who is unaccustomed to that language can begin to express love using it.
If Only He Knew, by Gary Smalley
This book is written for men, to teach them the qualities they need to have to have a successful relationship with their wives. From his extensive experience in marriage counseling, Gary Smalley links many different symptoms of marital tension and friction to the behavior of the husband. Specifically, he describes how husbands need to treat their wives very carefully, with gentleness and respect, and if they can do that well, their wives will begin to respond positively also.
For Better or For Best, also by Gary Smalley
This book, written for women, is the companion book to the previous one. It is designed to teach women the qualities they can learn to have a successful marriage and the ways they can even teach their husbands how to be as gentle as they need. This book also explains how women can love their husbands so well that they can't help but respond and be more willing to become better husbands themselves.
All three of these books place the responsibility for improving one's marriage squarely where it should be: on the married couple themselves. Books and counselors can give advice, but ultimately the quality of the relationship is up to the couple. Each individual person can learn to be gentle, honest, and loving in ways that will honor and support the relationship rather than destroying it. These books help point the way.
For more information, read these books or take a closer look at love languages.
